I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
