she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
