Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
