"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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