ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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