You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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