Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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