I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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