Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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