She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
