Sponge bath it is.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
