He asked me if I "almost moaned"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
