some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
