It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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