you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
