First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You should frame my arrest warrant.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
