I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
