I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
