my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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