$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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