So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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