The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
