Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
