i think my tv is drunk
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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