I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
