okay pat passed out under dana's car
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
