You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
