Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
