He had one of those small greek statue penises
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
