Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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