I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
