i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
