youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
