i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
now i know why i became what i already was.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
