I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
