She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
