need another drink. this is the easiest way
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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