goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
