i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
