tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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