I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
