oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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