its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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