i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
