I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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