But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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