Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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