Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
