My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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