i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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