i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
