I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
