The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
